When couples first begin dating they usually do a lot of different activities together as a way to have fun and get to know one other. Baseball games, exercising, taking walks, playing pool, watching movies, dinner parties, talking politics, and making out are just a few activities that many of us did in those early stages of our relationships. As the newness of the relationship fades the temptation to pull back from activities that our spouse introduced you to increases.
Dr. Willard Harley Jr. of His Needs Her Needs fame discusses the role recreation plays in marriage and asserts that without shared interests emotional intimacy is lost and the relationship is harmed. He suggests that married couples find as many shared interests as possible and even encourages couples to let go of individual interests that don’t provide mutual fulfillment. This adds long term value to the relationship.
Strong Marriage Experiment Day 20 – Recreate Together
Each spouse chooses one hobby to do together
Emily’s Activity: Crafting Together
I littered the table with colored pencils, glue, paper, scissors, guitar strings, wire cutters, hot tea and snacks. David set the music and we got to work. I’d gone to a ladies retreat a few months earlier and was reminded of how much I enjoyed the process of making something from nothing and vowed to give myself more time to do it.
I hadn’t thought to invite David into the creative process with me but when I thought about finding more ways to connect through shared hobbies, I wondered if he might enjoy crafting — at least a little with me. I knew my chances weren’t great, since he’s a guy, but decided it would be fun to give it a try.
He’s much better at it than he would ever want me to believe and we had so much fun. It isn’t something I’ll ask him to do very often, but at least I know it is something that we can have fun doing together.
David’s Activity: Singing Together
After we made our beautiful cards with card stock and guitar strings we sat down and sang for a bit. There is something so HOT about seeing your spouse do what they were created to do. Music is one of those things for David. I love seeing him in his element.
We may have never crafted together but we have certainly sung together. I actually really enjoy singing, I just wish I was better at it. When we first got married David sung a lot. One night I was on stage with him and I had a solo part. I choked and completely demolished the song. Off pitch or off key I’m not really sure the difference. Whichever it was, I am sure of one thing — it was bad.
Having little kids pushed back the priority of singing and playing. After doing it together tonight and on our date night in we are reminded of how great it is to connect through music. We’ll definitely be making more time for it in the future!
Join the LUVolution!