We got so many great ideas for our Marriage Experiment from all the folks we asked about practical, actionable ways to strengthen our marriage.  We wanted to do each one every single day but the drum beat of responsibilities and schedules made that impossible so we decided to choose three things to do every day of the experiment and then a different action for each of the 21 days.

The three things we’ll be doing every day are:

The 15 Second Kiss

We first heard about the 15 second kiss on Fierce Marriage — one of our favorite marriage blogs.  Ryan and Selena are always spot on in their advice and tips on how to cultivate a better marriage.

I’m excited about this one.  Who doesn’t love kissing their guy?!

No Critical Words

Neither of us would qualify as super negative or grouchy but a little reminder about the power of words and the importance of what we say and how we say it is in order.

I anticipate this being the hardest part of the entire 21 days for me (Emily).  I’m a little loose when it comes to words around here.  I practice more self control when I’m out and about but I’ve never been accused of holding things in around David.

If words are sharp as swords then I want my words to be a weapon for good.  I want to use words that build up those around me and fight back the onslaught of negative messages the world throws everyone I come in contact with.  Starting with my man and my family.

I may have to grab some duck tape.  We’ll see.

Sex Everyday

I know, right?!  Crazy.

Sex every day was something we both thought would be fun to try for the initial Marriage phase of the experiment.  Though, I admit, we are tired just thinking about it!

The logic behind why we feel it’s worth trying is because it’s hard to have your guard up when the sheets get turned down and since we want to be extra connected emotionally during this experiment, we think that carving out time to connect physically every day will serve to that end.

Of course, we have no idea how that will actually go because — ahem — that’s a lot of sex.

UPDATE: For those of you wanting to do the 21 Day Experiment, we suggest sex not be a part of your daily practice.  The StrongLuv Experiment does not address sexual challenges like the use of pornography from the husband or wife which can undermine trust and feelings of emotional safety for their spouse.   Since completion, we’ve found this to be a big problem for many couples.  

Weekly State of the Union Meeting

Lastly, we have committed to holding a weekly meeting that we’re affectionately calling The State of the Union Meeting.  This is where we will be able to talk about ANYTHING.  This will be important because we aren’t allowed to be critical with one anther for the entire 21 days.  The intent of that rule is not to brush things under the rug and let important things go but rather to provide boundaries around the way we communicate about those important things.

At the State of the Union we will discuss what’s going well, what’s not going well, expectations we have for the coming week and anything else that comes up.

There you have it, the ground rules for the Strong Marriage Experiment.  We are super anxious to get started!